Self care month: Setting Boundaries

What are boundaries? Conscious efforts in setting values that help us grow and protect our peace are boundaries. Here’s an article about setting boundaries as promised! Hope you enjoy reading and it helps! Do follow, read, comment, like, share and let me know what you think!!

We often think that setting boundaries is important so others can change their behaviour or value us. Absolutely wrong. Setting boundaries is for advocating yourself; regardless of how others behave. This is why I feel that setting boundaries is one of the most important aspects of self care.

The bigger question that keeps haunting us is “am I a bad person for putting myself first?”. Trust me, you’re not. You can be a kind person and still say no. It’s a right, and it’s crucial to exercise it. Setting boundaries is something that comes only after we prioritise ourselves. read my article about prioritising yourself if you haven’t yet

https://articlesbyapricity.wixsite.com/apricity/post/prioritising-yourself

But what do boundaries feel like? Everyone talks about setting them but no one really tells us what it exactly means. There are two types of setting boundaries; with yourself and for yourself. When we talk about “with yourself”, it’s about prioritising yourself for maintaining yourself for a healthier version of us.  When we say “for yourself” it’s about prioritising yourself for protecting your peace.

Let’s get into setting boundaries with yourself first. Balancing a healthy life is the biggest and most important goal. And achieving this big goal helps get through the other ones. Then how do we maintain that? Here are what some boundaries look like:

1. Limit time on social media

2. Maintain a regular sleep schedule

3. Have movement and exercise throughout the day and week

4. Maintain a healthy diet

This is about regular health. Social and mental health is just as important. Some boundaries will look like:

1. Taking out time to do what you like

2. Standing up for what you believe in

3. Follow through commitments

4. Honouring your values

5. Leave a social gathering when you feel ready, etc.

Why are these boundaries though? Because we sometimes have to make a conscious effort in order to maintain these values.

These are some boundaries we should set “with ourselves”.

But what about boundaries “for ourselves”? This is where other people prominently come into the picture. These boundaries are hardest to set and maintain because here, how others react and how we feel about it also matters a lot. Sometimes it’s easy to stick to boundaries “with ourselves”, because the entire situation revolves only around us. As soon as external factors come in, subsequent effects have to also be considered.

Where do we set boundaries “for ourselves”?

Everyone around you should be set with boundaries. As close as you are with someone, they should know what you are okay with and not. Sometimes we feel that we are not considerate enough by telling the other person we aren’t okay with something. That’s not true.

‘Communicating with others when you are uncomfortable’ is the first step of setting boundaries with people. They need to know that your feelings are also valid and these feelings need to be voiced out. How else would they know?

The thing is, when we are not clear with boundaries, the chances of others overstepping them become high.  They might do it unknowingly; they didn’t know because you never told them. Does that mean you read out a list to anyone you meet? Nope. But you let them know through your act. Staying true to your values and communicating without hesitation is the way to go about!

Here are some boundaries that we should definitely set for ourselves:

1. It is my responsibility to make sure I’m happy. No one’s reaction should affect my peace.

2. It is not my job to make sure everyone is happy.

3. I donot have to anticipate other peoples needs if those make me uncomfortable.

4. It is okay to say no.

5. Not everyone will like me and that’s alright.

6. It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes as long as we work on those.

7. It is okay to spend time alone without explaining myself.

8. It is okay if the other person doesn’t agree with my opinion, it doesn’t make them wrong or me right.

9. It is okay to be myself and not how others want me to be.

And finally tell yourself: ‘I set boundaries to respect myself, not to offend anyone’.

I hope this helped!! Do let me know what you think, like, share and comment. Have a great day!

xoxo

Advika